Dear Doc,
No matter how much I miss you and wish to see you or at least hear your voice, afterwards it is hard to write to you. Shortly after I spoke with you my whole inner world turned upside down, not so much by the things we said but more by the words we did not say. Do not think that I do not question myself and my emotions. Where will this bring me? Should I stop thinking about you, should I stop writing?
As soon as I imagine my life without you, on an emotional and romantic level, I feel kind of empty and this is the reason I let my heart and my emotions guide me. I think that you are on unfamiliar territory, same as I am, having a patient that has feelings for you. After knowing British culture in depth, it is quite unlikely that a British woman would write such love letters to her doctor. And foreigner women in Britain are even less likely and too insecure to share such feelings even if they have them. Is my public writing to you a sign of inner strength, as at least one of my friends thinks, or is it silliness that you could see as unreasonable? You possibly ask yourself what you should do with me. But despite putting you in a situation you are not familiar with, you are still my doctor and I am tremendously grateful for that.
Three days ago, I told you I will call you if I get Covid, for your mental support. Having you indeed makes this, for now only imaginary situation, significantly less frightening. I am worried for you too. If we were not in the middle of a pandemic, I would still write to you, but my letters would be less significant. In times when we do not know what to expect from the quite near future, love is my choice of dealing with this crisis that effects each of us in one way or another. My love for you can be characterised as inappropriate, but the bottom line is, every true love is by its nature beautiful. Take care dear Doc.
Love,
Kristina
Monday, September 14th, 2020
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