Dear Doc,
I spent the biggest part of this Saturday alone, but not lonely. I most of all love to spend time with my daughter, and also with friends, but I love to be alone too, as during this time I am often with you. I do not know if you will ever read my letters and I do not know if you feel for me what I would love for you to feel, but I will imagine that you do read my blog and I will pretend that you love me back. If you have feelings for me, I know it would be a hard situation for you, for several reasons: two of them more important than others. I wanted to let you know that my feelings for you are unconditional and then for a moment I asked myself if I am sure that I know what unconditional love means. So, I entered this term into google and here is what I got back, what makes love unconditional:
1) Work through hard times. Endure during unfavourable conditions.
In a very specific role, being my doctor, you went with me through the hardest time of my life. We both know that you gave me more than was strictly necessary in your role. Hearing your calm voice and seeing your smile meant the world to me as at that time darkness was dominant both inside and outside of me. If I ever get the chance to be a significant figure in your life, I would like to help you in your own hard times.
2) Embrace every moment together.
I count the days, and weeks, and months until it is appropriate to call you and every time I managed to see you became very special to me. When we are together all seems simple, you understand everything I say to you even when objectively I was hard to understand. Our appointments are warm, and I like to think we are two people that attract each other. I wish more from you but only as much more as you are prepared to give me.
3) Don’t give up at the first site of imperfection.
There were a few times that I did not leave our appointments happy or satisfied. You slightly disappointed me on a few occasions and I also know that you did not like me equally every time you saw me. We both had our ups and downs but, in the meantime, I did not fall in love with anybody else.
4) Strike a balance and have mutual respect.
I would make compromises for you. Would you make compromises for me? Respect for each other, I am sure we have that.
5) Believe you and your partner both deserve happiness.
I truly believe you are a man that can and could make me happy and if you give me a chance, I’ll show you I can make you happy. Perhaps we can only have moments, but these moments could enrich our lives for time to come.
After I read a bit about unconditional love, I believe that my love for you is such a love.
Kristina
Saturday July 4th, 2020
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