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  • Writer's pictureKristina Lang

The word “impossible” always defeats me, but just for the moment

Dear Doc,

I had a great Sunday, spent with Sara, her dad and his partner, Ajda. Sara’s dad is a very caring father that is actively involved in her life. He is Sara’s big support the same way I am, and he is also a true friend to me. I am happy that Ajda is a good and caring person too, that accepts we are still friendly, and how we take care of Sara together. But it is not only Sara that connects us, we are still individuals who have a lot of respect for one another. So, this Sunday I felt I was with family. Sara’s dad made lunch and I baked cakes despite protests that we should not eat cakes as we have all gained some weight during the lockdown. Ajda prepared nice Turkish coffee that I like very much, after which we had a long walk together. Pictures that I am publishing on this post were taken by Sara and Ajda during this walk.

Very recently I told them about you. My ex-husband was teasing me, “Why did you not fall in love with a constructor, why it had to be your doctor?” He wishes me well but both he and Ajda use the word “impossible” in context with you. It is not the first time I have heard this word from my friends and whenever I hear it, the meaning of that word defeats me, but only for a moment. As soon as I remember how I feel when I am with you the word “impossible” becomes less real and my tiny feeling of hope survives. Life is full of surprises, even still having you as a caring doctor, I did not expect.

On Saturday night, around midnight I wrote a poem written below. I had to be in a particular state of mind to write such a poem that was induced by the combination of timing, late Saturday night, and a memory of your voice.



Monday June 15th,2020

A hug with words

A warm summer night with you in my thoughts,

All that could scare me is pushed away.

My happiness is real when you hug me with words,

I am looking peacefully to another day.

Late hours and silence, love sings within and around

You are not far, and I am grateful for another touch.

My dreams have colours and a gentle sound

All that is worth living for requires loving such.

If you were a bit closer, I would hug you tightly,

My body near yours, my head on your shoulder.

The world in my arms, I would still spin lightly

A warm summer night, I wish for it to not get colder.

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