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  • Writer's pictureKristina Lang

Seeing you means the world to me, but I must not say this to you

Updated: May 30, 2020

Dear Doc,

It was wonderful seeing you today. When I phoned surgery in the morning, I was very nervous. As always, I had to tell the receptionist the nature of my problem. I was aware that the chances that I would get the appointment today were very small, no matter what I said. When I told the receptionist that I am at home all the time and as such am not dangerous to the doctor, Covid-19 related, she was confused. She said she did not understand because visits to the surgery are very restricted and people are rarely invited in. After talking to her I was slightly less nervous, as she did not say that you are unavailable or anything that would indicate I will not get a chance to at least talk with you. Realising I may hear your voice, I immediately felt a bit better.

When you phoned me back, nearly one and half hours later, you told me that you are advised not to invite patients into surgery unless it is strictly necessary. I told you that I was not a Covid-danger to you the same way I told your receptionist. Then you agreed and gave me the time of my appointment, one and half hours later. When I heard that I am going to see you I was much happier but still somewhat nervous.



I did not wait for long as I arrived on time for the appointment. I had to wait in the main waiting area which was not where I normally waited. When you opened the door to call me in you had a plastic apron, mask and gloves on you. Somehow you seemed thinner than I remembered. When I entered and you closed the door, I was alone with you, finally. I was watching your eyes and you were watching mine. As always you listened to my problems carefully, and I felt very comfortable and happy. While I was looking into your eyes, I realised one thing; I cannot tell you about my blog, and through it, about my feelings. I can’t do this any time soon, not in the following months for sure. My daughter and a few close friends were right, there is a big probability that I would lose you. I told you several times that you mean a lot to me, but I realised today you do not know how much you mean to me. Still, I have you as my caring doctor and I have to be content with this. If you knew how much I love you it would be very difficult for you to continue being my doctor, but I can dream you are my man and I can keep writing to you.

Love

Kristina

Wednesday May 20th 2020

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