Dear Doc,
Two nights ago, I wanted to write a poem with the title “yellow roses”. Roses from the vase in my bedroom inspired me. But I discovered if I write poems late at night, they end up being too serious. Instead of writing an easy love poem I wrote something that reflects the current pandemic world situation. I will not publish the poem here on this blog. So, yesterday morning I wrote another poem with the same title “Yellow roses” that is a love poem.
My daughter reads every letter as I decided not to publish anything without her approval. However, I promised her not to tell you about these letters for a while. My very adult 19 year old daughter is worried that I could stress you out additionally, as for the moment you have an awful lot of pressure on your shoulders. I think this is a possibility but she could be also wrong.
What if my letters make you smile? In this situation you have to face deaths on a daily basis, love letters could be a refreshing escape. If you feel something for me, even more. My feelings for you are my escape. Even if nothing ever happens between us in the real world I have decided I will keep loving you and will not search for a partner. In my early fifties I still hopefully have some life to live and I want to live with you in my heart. When I informed my friend Ivana, a psychiatrist, about my feeling for you she was initially very surprised. I was worried about her reaction. This is the reason it took me a while to tell her what I feel and for whom. We had several long discussions on this subject that I will summarise here in her words. I quote her: “I do not think that these feeling for him hurt you, on the contrary, they are saving you.”
Yellow roses
Early morning comes through the window,
I am watching you while you sleep.
Darling, your head is on my pillow,
And my joy is “a thousand kisses deep”.
So many times I wished to touch you,
And now you are here and now I can see.
My dreams are awake, reality is true,
How not to smile when you are near me?
And then I open my eyes, the sun comes in:
Roses are yellow, my mind is green.
How my feeling could be a sin?
Love for you is my happy quarantine.
Take care
Kristina
P.S. Today would be my dad’s 78th Birthday. He died ten years ago, I still miss him.
Wednesday, May 6th 2020
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