I am not free; I am very much taken by him.
Although he does not know how much he has me,
Although, months and years pass without us,
My belonging to him is not a question I am willing to discuss.
I do not have him; he was taken by someone.
Long before I met him his life unrolled; he is not free.
Long before he touched my soul, life played its game,
My wishes for having him are here, and there is no one to blame.
I met him without knowing, without expectation.
Almost by chance I saw him, I did not know I can love again.
Almost by chance I chose him and not just any man.
Goodness and dedications made me fall in love with this Englishman.
I love him without hesitation, without expectations,
Just the same, and so much different from the time we met,
Just the same, he stays on this pedestal, nobody comes near.
As long as I am fulfilled, nobody else could be “my dear”.
I laugh sometimes to myself and to the little girl in me.
Even if I tremble when I only think I could see him,
Even if feelings are probably “explained” in some textbook,
I still know I am a strong and loving woman with an honest outlook.
Kristina
Wednesday, June 14th, 2023
Zaljubljena u Engleza
Nisam slobodna; jako pripadam njimu.
Iako on ne zna koliko me ima,
Iako prolaze mjeseci i godine bez nas,
Svoju pripadnost njemu nisam voljna raspravljati.
Ja ga nemam; dobio ga je netko davno prije nego što sam ga upoznala.
Njegov se život odvrtio; on nije slobodan.
Mnogo prije nego što je dotaknuo moju dušu, život je odigrao svoju igru,
Moje želje da ga imam su tu, i nikoga ne krivim za to.
Upoznala sam ga bez plana, bez očekivanja.
Skoro slučajno, nisam znala da mogu ponovno voljeti.
Skoro slučajno izabrala sam njega i ne bilo kojeg muškarca,
Dobrota i predanost učinili su da se zaljubim u ovog Engleza.
Volim ga bez zadrške, bez očekivanja,
Isto, a toliko drugačije od vremena kada smo se upoznali,
Isto, on ostaje na ovom pijedestalu, nikoga nema u blizini.
Sve dok me ispunjava, nitko drugi ne može biti “moj dragi”.
Ponekad se smijem sebi i djevojčici u sebi.
Čak i ako zadrhtim kad samo pomislim da ga mogu vidjeti,
Čak i ako su osjećaji vjerojatno “objašnjeni” u nekom udžbeniku,
Još uvijek znam da sam snažna žena puna ljubavi i iskrenog pogleda na život.
Kristina
Srijeda, 14. lipnja 2023.
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