When I moved to England for the second time in 2002, I knew it was for a long time. The decision was not easy because I left so much behind, from my dad, brother, and friends to a permanent job at the University of Zagreb. The first month of my stay in Cambridge was full of reconsideration. I carried a letter in my handbag for a month informing the University that I was resigning. Looking back now on those nearly twenty years, I don’t question my decisions. I went through all sorts of stages and came to a lifetime that brought me calm and happiness.
I suffered from nostalgia for Croatia for almost ten years. Shortly before I moved to England my friend Ivana moved to Belgium. Feelings of nostalgia and homesickness we shared for a long time. One winter, Ivana sent me a picture of a wolf taken while it was snowing in one of the Croatian forests, where wolves that live freely can still be found. On that occasion, she told me that she cried for hours because the image of that wolf deepened her sense of homesickness.
Neither my Ivana, who still lives in Belgium, nor I, suffer more from homesickness. We are tied to Croatia, to which we will always return, but we have found happiness, peace and a home in the countries that have embraced us. The longing for Croatia has not disappeared, but somehow it no longer hurts. From time to time she appears in us inspired by a song, a photo, a memory… So last week my friend Chris, a Croat born and raised in Paris who knows more Croatian songs than me, sang “A Tear for the hills of Zagorie” on the way from the cafe to work. It is a song of grief before leaving the homeland, the Croatian province of Zagorje, and somehow its sounds have been following me for days. I'm sorry I can't fully share the song with my non-Croatian friends, but at least I'll try to translate the lyrics. My friend Katarina, who also lives in Cambridge, is a Croat from Zagorie county. She helped me translate the song into English, considering the song was written in her dialect. The photo I am attaching to this blog is hers and it comes from the Zagorie hills. The You tube link for the song is below:
"A tear for the hills of Zagorie"
On that scented morning when the hills were still asleep But the moon had not yet set I quietly opened the rickety fence And took my backpack.
The old mother followed me Quietly looking down at the ground She couldn't know what is happening in my soul
And why I haven't said a word since yesterday
We wanted to say so much to each other But we had already forgotten all When we passed the last house I was suddenly in tears
Not to let my old mother see that I covered my face. All around me I could smell roses And it was a blossoming May
And I didn't even look behind me And I was too sad to say goodbye. I just promised the dear hills That I will came back again
Kristina
Sunday, October 10th, 2021
“Suza za zagorske brege”
Kad sam se 2002. godine po drugi put doselila u Englesku znala sam da je za dugo. Odluka nije bila laka jer toliko sam toga ostavila iza sebe, od tate, brata i prijatelja do stalnog posla na Sveučilištu u Zagrebu. Prvih mjesec dana boravka u Cambridgeu bilo je prepuno preispitivanja. U svojoj ručnoj torbici mjesec sam dana nosila pismo u kojem obavještavam Sveučilište da dajem otkaz. Kad sad gledam unatrag tih gotovo dvadest godina, ne preispitujem svoje odluke. Prošla sam svakakve faze i dosla u životno doba koje mi je donijelo smirenje i sreću.
Od nostalgije za Hrvatskom patila sam gotovo desetak godina. Nešto prije nego sam se preselila u Englesku moja se prijateljica Ivana preselila u Belgiju. Osjećaje nostalgije i tuge dijelile smo dugo. Jedne zime mi je Ivana poslala sliku vuka uslikanu dok je padao snijeg u jednoj od Hrvatskih šuma gdje se još mogu naći vukovi koji žive u divljini. Tom mi je prilikom rekla da je plakala satima jer joj je slika tog vuka produbila osjećaj tuge za domom.
Niti moja Ivana, koja još živi u Belgiji, niti ja, više na patimo od nostalgije. Vezane smo za Hrvatsku kojoj ćemo se uvijek vraćati, ali našle smo sreću, mir i dom u zemljama koje su nas prigrlile. Čeznja za Hrvatskom nije nestala, ali nekako više ne boli. Sa vremena na vrijeme se pojavi u nama potaknuta nekom pjesmom, fotografijom, sjećanjem… Tako mi je prošli tjedan moj prijatelj Chris, Hrvat rođen i odrastao u Parizu koji zna vise hrvatskih pjesama od mene, na putu od kafića do posla otpjevao “Suzu za zagorske brege”. To je pjesma od tuzi pred odlazak iz rodnog kraja, hrvatske pokrajine Zagorje, i nekako me njezini zvukovi vec danima prate. Žao mi je što pjesmu ne mogu u potpunosti podijeliti i sa svojim ne-hrvatskim prijateljima, ali barem ću pokušati prevesti stihove. Moja prijateljica Katarina, koja isto zivi u Cambridgeu, je Hrvatica iz Zagorja. Ona mi je pomogla i u prijevodu pjesme na engleski jezik, s obzirom na to da je pjesma napisana na njezinom dijaleku. Fotografija koju prilažem ovom blogu je Katarinina i dolazi iz Zagorskih brega. You tube na link za pjesmu je dolje:
Suza za zagorske brege
V jutro dišeće gda bregi su spali A mesec jos zajti ni štel Potiho sem otprl rasklimanu lesu I pinklec na pleća sem del
Stara je mati išla za menom Nemo vu zemlu gledeć
Ni mogla znati kaj zbirem vu duši I zakaj od včera nis rekel ni reč Prevec smo toga povedat si šteli A se smo pozabili već
Gda smo vre prešli kraj najzadnje hiže Vu suzah najemput sem bil Kaj ne bi to vidla stara mi mati Z rukami lice sem skril
Sud oko mene su dišale rože I bil je rascveteni maj
A ja nis ni jemput pogledal za sobom Od tuge nis mogel pozdraviti kraj Samo sem bregima dragim obećal Da vrnul se bum nazaj
Kristina
Nedelja, 10. listopada 2021.
Comments