We live in a time when deep tragedies are taking place on the world stage that have come unexpectedly and paralyzed us all.
In America, four thousand people died of Covid-19 yesterday. The current US president, the initiator of something very reminiscent of a coup very recently, has other priorities and is sending a message to the nation that he will not appear at the inauguration of his follower. In Britain, the pandemic is reaching large proportions and it is hard to believe that the situation could get worse. The number of patients exceeds 60,000 per day and the numbers of hospitalized and deceased are also extremely high. The British health system is already seriously coughing, and it is believed that the worst has not yet arrived. A series of earthquakes in the last 10 days in small Croatia have pushed the pandemic into the background. People traumatized by this terrible natural disaster and in anticipation of the next earthquake forget about the pandemic that is still ravaging the country, even though the numbers of infected and hospitalized are high, albeit in a slight decline.
And while a profound tragedy is taking place on the world stage, I am thinking about my life on that stage. After all, like every person on the planet, I have myself, I do not have the world.
My Sara travelled to Cardiff, the city where she studies. She is happy to be back in her student life which although has its challenges, despite the restrictions, is still a joy. It is up to me to keep our home for her, our safe and peaceful port filled with love to which she will gladly return in the future. I lost such a family port early and that is why I hope to live long enough to be there in the years to come for Sarah and her future.
And do I sometimes feel lonely without her? Yes, I feel it. But thanks to the beauty of WhatsApp technology, loneliness is easier to overcome. I hear and see every day not only with Sarah but also with my brother, and I am in contact with many friends in England, Croatia and around the world. These contacts mean a lot to me and I believe that thanks to them I remain strong in this stormy life.
My University has decided that we remain open to research during the current lockdown, which means that my research-supporting lab continues to operate. For the first time since the beginning of the pandemic, I am questioning the decision of our Vice-chancellor and his team. It seems to me that the situation is too serious, the risks are too great, and the gain is minimal in relation to possible losses.
I am afraid of infection because, unfortunately, I have been a passionate smoker for many years. My lungs are certainly not in the best condition and in combination with the coronavirus it could end badly.
In this collective drama that surrounds us and in which we have lived for a long time, I often think of the beautiful face of an Englishman and I am grateful for the love that is in me. Because of that love, I still feel young despite the years that catch up with me.
Kristina
Monday January 11th, 2021
Svjetska pozornica I moje bitke
Zivimo u vremenu u kom se na svjetskoj pozornici odvijaju duboke drame koje su dosle neocekivano I paralizirale svijet.
U Americi je jucer od Covida-19 umrlo cetiri tisuce ljudi. Trenutni americki predsjednik, inicijator necega sto je vrlo nedavno jako podsjecalo na drzavni udar, ima druge prioritete I salje poruku naciji da se nece pojaviti na inaguraciji njegovog sljedbenika. U Britaniji pandemija dostize siroke razmjere I tesko je povjerovati da situacija moze postati jos I gora. Broj oboljelih dnevno prelazi 60 tisuca I brojke hospitaliziranih I preminulih takodjer su iznimno visoke. Britanski zdrastveni sustav vec ozbiljno kaslje a smatra se da najgore jos nije stiglo. Serija potresa koji se u posljednih 10 dana desavaju u malenoj Hrvatskoj istisnula je pandemiju u drugi plan. Ljudi si istraumatizirani tom strasnom elementarnom nepogodom I u iscekivanju slijedeceg potresa zaboravljaju na pandemiju koja jos uvijek hara zemljom iako su brojke zarazenih I hospitaliziranih u blagom padu.
I dok se na svjetskoj pozornici odvija duboka drama sirokih razmjera ja razmisljam o svom zivotu na toj pozornici jer na kraju krajeva kao I svatko od nas ja imam sebe, nemam svijet.
Moja Sara je otputovala u Cardiff, grad u kojem studira. Ona je sretna sto se vratila svom studentskom zivotu koji joj unatoc restrikcijama predstavlja radost I izazov. Na meni je da cuvam nas dom za nju, nasu sigurnu I mirni luku ispunjennu ljubavlju u koju ce se rado vracati u buducnosti. Ja sam takovu obiteljsku luku rano izgubila I zato se nadam da cu zivjeti dovoljno dugo da budem tu u godinama koje dolaze za Saru I njezinu buducnost.
A dal se ponekad osjecam usamljeno bez nje? Da, osjecam. No, zahvaljujuci prekrasnoj tehnologiji WhatsAppa tu je usamljenost lakse prebroditi. Svakodnevno se cujem I vidim ne samo sa Sarom vec I sa svojim bracom, a I u kontaktu sam sa brojnim prijateljima u Engleskoj, Hrvatskoj I sirom svijeta. Ti mi kontakti neizmjerno puno znace I vjerujem da zahvaljujuci njima ostajem snazna na ovoj zivotnoj vjetrometini.
Moje je Sveuciliste donijelo odluku da tokom trenutnog lockdowna ostajemo otvoreni za istrazivanje sto znaci da moj labpratoriji koji potpomaze istrazivanje nastavlja sa radom. Prvi put od pocetka pandemije preispitujem odluku naseg rektora I njegove ekipe. Cini mi se da je situacija preozbiljna, rizici preveliki a dobitak minimalan u odnosu na moguce gubitke.
Bojim se zaraze jer sam nazalost vec dugogodisnji strastveni pusac. Moja pluca sigurno nisu u najboljem stanju I u kombinaciji sa koronavirusom moglo bi biti da mi se lose pise.
U ovoj kolektivnoj drami koja nas okruzuje I u kojoj vec dugo zivimo cesto pomislim na lijepo lice jednog Engleza I zahvalna sam I na toj ljubavi koja je u meni. Zbog te se ljubavi jos osjecam mladom usprkos godinama koje me sustizu.
Kristina
Ponedeljak, 11. Sijecnja 2021.
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