I know what the man of my dreams looks like, I see him smiling, with his eyes, not just his lips. He doesn't talk much, but he listens attentively and when he speaks, he is always modest, smart, compassionate, and yet at the same time sharp and clear. He is tall, has long legs, can be said to be thin, has long fingers holding strength and tenderness within them. He works hard, his job is stressful, difficult, and above all responsible. He’s a caring father whose kids are his priority. I don’t know what kind of husband he is to a woman that is not me.
When I close my eyes I can see his head on my pillow, he sleeps next to me, he wakes up, he is dishevelled, I love him like that. Loving and wanting such a man is easy because he is special, but it is also difficult because he belongs to another woman. Looking for another man with his picture in my head is even harder.
One man from the dating site addressed me with "Hello gorgeous" and described to me his "working day" in which he spent 9-11 in the morning at the gym and then spent the rest of the day relaxing. I immediately deleted him because I couldn't tell him that his lifestyle was so repulsive to me that I found him unattractive even though he was objectively a handsome man. I established a connection with one other via WhatsApp. The messages he wrote to me are roughly summarized in “I Think of You,” although we never met. When I stopped replying to empty messages, after two days of my complete silence, he blocked me.
There are also those who seemed interesting to me, so I wrote to them first, but I was not interesting to them, so they didn't answer me. And the more time I spend in that world, the more aware I am that the man of my dreams exists, but he is not in this world. My friends tell me to be persistent, so I will be, but I don’t hope for miracles. And it would be a miracle to find another man who would suit me in everything important and would like me back at the same time.
Kristina
Sunday, December 13th, 2020
Svijet trazilica srodnih dusa
Ja znam kako muskarac mojih snova izgleda, vidim kako se smijesi, ocima, ne samo usnama. On ne prica puno, ali pozorno slusa I kad progovori uvijek je sa mjerom, pametno, susosjecajno, a jos u isto vrijeme britko I jasno. Visok je, ima duge noge, moze se reci I mrsav, ima duge prste I snagu I njeznost u njima. Radi puno, posao mu je stresan I tezak, nadasve odgovoran. On je brizan otac kojem su njegova djeca na vrhu, ne znam kakav je suprug nekoj zeni koja nisam ja.
Kad zatvorim oci mogu vidjeti njegovu glavu na svom jastuku, spava pored mene, budi se, rascupan je, volim ga takvog. Voljeti I zeljeti takovog muskaraca je lako jer je poseban, ali je I tesko jer pripada drugoj zeni. Traziti drugog muskarca sa njegovom slikom u glavi jos je teze.
Jedan muskarac sa trazilice za upoznavanje me oslovljava sa “Hello divna” I opise mi svoj “radni dan” u kojem je od 9-11 ujutro proveo u teretani I poslije se relaksiaro. Odmah sam ga obrisala jer mu nisam mogla reci da mi je njegov still zivota odbojan da mi je I on sam neprivlacan iako se objektivno radi o zgodnom I imucnom muskarcu. Sa jednim sam uspostavila vezu preko WhatsAppa. Poruke koje mi je pisao su otprilike sazete u “Mislim na tebe”, iako se nikad nismo upoznali. Kad sam prestala odgovarati na isprazne poruke, nakon dva dana moje potpune sutnje, covjek me blokirao.
Ima I onih koji su se meni cinili zanimljivi pa sam im prva pisala, ali ja njima nisam pa mi nisu odgovorili. I sto sam vise u tom svijetu trazilica sve sam svjesnija da covjek mojih snova postoji, ali on nije na njima. Prijatelji mi kazu da budem uporna, pa biti cu, ali ne nadam se cudima. A cudo bi bilo da u tom svijetu nadjem jos jednog koji bi mi po svemu bitnom odgovarao.
Kristina
Nedelja, 13. Prosinca 2020.
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